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I'll get you a cellphone and a Tribe-sized bottle of fentanyl. I know it was (supposed to be) humor, but things like that are not humorous, no matter who it was directed at. That negative demeaning voice in our head that beats us up and berates us for being lazy, not good enough, gaining weight, etc.
God I hated that I bet they did too Before. Life is precious. Unfortunately, most 'humor' nowadays is in that vein, and I, too, do not find it entertaining or humorous.
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